This article entitled “How My Life Changed After My First Boudoir Photoshoot” has been originally published on BC Boudoir Publications in December 2020. A few slight changes have been made within the content for relevance and consistency. View the original article here.
There’s more than just self-respect.
My life turned upside down after that night. I never expected I would do such a daring act. For someone who grew up like a good girl or a perfect daughter, sharing boudoir photos was least expected.
Nobody knew I have the guts to publicize those images, supposedly kept in private. When I hit “publish,” I expected the worst. To my surprise, I received compliments from different people, including those I haven’t had contact with for years!
My friends in the neighborhood, in high school, in college, or even former co-workers I only met online (because of my remote work) praised my bravery and appreciated the efforts of empowering others.
Since then, my life has changed. My views about myself changed. Though I started to feel good about myself in April this year, my first boudoir photoshoot gave noticeable results. Then, I realized the stakes needed to rebuild my damaged self-consciousness. The more ambitious your goal is, the more difficult challenge will come to test you.
I grew up pleasing others to survive. I had no other options left but to stay under the roof of my perfectionistic parents. Though I tried to be financially independent to move out and build my life on my terms, it wasn’t possible. Years passed, I failed to see myself going towards a deep hole of utter misery.
Nobody could understand, I thought. No one could put their feet on my shoes and see what went on underneath the surface. Losing control over every aspect of my life led me to severe depression, anxiety, and above all, an eating disorder.
I knew what I was doing. I was aware of my destructive habits. In fact, I knew they were deadly. But I found no motivation to stop. They are as addictive as drugs. True.
Forced vomiting right every after meals gave me euphoric sensations to calm my thoughts. Self-inflicted cuts and bruises are like meditation. These gave me a sense of control and a sense of peace. Can you imagine what yoga does to you? That’s the same feeling I got when I saw marks on my skin.
Over the years, little did I know my life would end up like that. I was stuck in a rut, unable to act rationally as I did before the depression hit me hard. I hardly remember the last time I truly enjoyed my meals either. As smart as I am, I failed to see my life from an objective point of view.
You may have doubts about whether you do your first boudoir photoshoot or not. Your inner critics are so loud that you become indecisive. However, it is the best way to see yourself — the beautiful you — and to accept your flaws, too, without caring what others will think about you.
That is why I am forever thankful to my husband, who took the initiative to do it. He was the one who insisted I should do it not just for his pleasure but to show me how he sees me as his wife and as a woman.
Since my first boudoir photoshoot, I finally have no problems telling myself, “You are beautiful.” It took me years to feel comfortable with my skin and to see how I look without judging myself the same way as I did.
